God it's been months since I last wrote since the only thing getting in between is time and boarding school. So here's the thing, boarding school sucks. I admit it it sucks more than maths or addmaths or any stupid calculation I have done is my fucking life. I'm not saying that staying in boarding school is bad -- it teaches you the true meaning of friendship and you are bonded by blood and tears (I'm not kidding though) but sometimes the people in it that makes it suck.
Imagine, you came with high hopes and dreams to achieve and the biggest smile on your face as you think "hey, this is not bad at all! I'm going to make a lot of friends and have the best years of my life" but as soon as you said your goodbyes to your parents and leave the night alone to yourself, that's when the horror starts. Eventually, you will start to feel very very small and people will make fun of your dreams. Name everything -- bullied, harassed publicly, torn apart, victimized, slaved, depressed etc -- will happen here, this is the real version of horror stories where the ghost slowly chases you, but the ghosts are real and they eat you alive. If you fucked up even for something stupid, you will be remembered for doing that even it was like years ago. People will judge you alright, judge you real hard until they decided to pour all your dirty little past secrets that will make you go crazy and traumatized.
I was a victim of this situation, I've done something that fucks me up and it was a very tiny matter but holy fuck did everyone hated me like I was the daughter of Satan. Every where I go there's always someone watching, glaring at me like I am carrying a murder weapon with fresh blood on it. I didn't mind,I have my journal and my own world with me so I would never felt alone-- even if I did cried myself to sleep because no one wanted to talk to me. The girl with the fakest attitude in the whole wide world. I thought all of this will end within a week, atleast a month or so but no, it takes me a year to make things right, But right now? There's still more people hated me, increases in fact because of someone who makes fun of my trust. Thanks to these people I learned to not give a fuck in almost everything and I'm not afraid to show how bitchy I can be.
In the end, it will always be "you vs. the world" no matter how many friends you have, no matter how many people helped you up and no matter how many people turned up when you needed them the most. You have to face everything alone and you will (let's face it) do everything alone, whether you like it or not. Yeah I know it might hurt you at first but sooner you'll get comfortable with it and you'll feel happy and don't mind if people come and go to you because you stopped giving a fuck. If you ask me? I rather be alone in my own world than stuck in a world of people with smiles on their faces but holding a shrap knife, waiting to stab you and make you bleed to death.
